We had a step-grandmother who used to lecture us about gratitude. The more she lectured, the less we listened. Because she had it all wrong.
As you and I both know, kids don't learn gratitude from lectures. Nor do they learn gratitude from reading books about how important it is to be grateful.
The good news is that the gratitude guru, Robert Emmons, who has a new book called Gratitude Works!: A 21-Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity, has cracked the code to reaping the benefits of gratitude.
New research shows that the less we focus on the generals of gratitude, and the more we hone in on the particulars of gratitude, the greater the positive effects become.
“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”
I excerpted the following list from an article he wrote on the benefits of gratitude because there are so many that anyone would be a fool NOT to practice gratitude daily, no matter how tough life became.
And, speaking of tough times, if you are experiencing one now, Emmons points out that even in the worst of times when we feel less than grateful for our circumstances, practicing gratitude will help us through the difficult periods.
Here's Emmon's list of the many benefits of practicing daily gratitude:
Physical
Stronger immune systems
Less bothered by aches and pains
Lower blood pressure
Exercise more and take better care of their health
Sleep longer and feel more refreshed upon waking
Psychological
Higher levels of positive emotions
More alert, alive, and awake
More joy and pleasure
More optimism and happiness
Social
More helpful, generous, and compassionate
More forgiving
More outgoing
Feel less lonely and isolated.
Making general statements about being grateful for one's family, spouse, or friends is helpful but, as Emmons discovered, focusing on the particulars is an even better way to increase the benefits of gratitude 10x over.
You increase the benefits of gratitude by taking one thing you appreciate in your life and then name 5 things about it that make you feel grateful. So instead of focusing on the generals, you are focusing on the particulars of the gratitude.
For example, I could say that I feel grateful for my work in education, which I do, but that's a very general statement. What I want to reflect on instead is what about the work makes me feel grateful.
So now I'll show you how this works by sharing my 5 particular reasons for why I feel grateful:
I feel grateful that I can guide parents to help their children realize their intellectual potential, rather than wasting 12 of a child's best learning years in a dumbed-down school system or even government-funded homeschooling programs.
I feel grateful to be able to contribute to making the world a better place by helping so many families to homeschool their children, so we raise critical thinkers and ethical leaders.
I feel grateful that my work has a built-in need for me to read and learn new things because I love to do both.
I feel grateful for the creative side of my work which challenges me to come up with new ideas regularly and keeps my brain churning.
I feel grateful when a parent tells me how things I taught them had a huge, positive effect on their family because it reminds me that my work is having an impact, rather than effort spent in vain.
“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
You can see how it works, right? Hone in on the particulars of one thing you feel grateful for, and your list of the objects of your gratitude will not only multiply ten-fold but so will the benefits you reap.
And, in becoming more grateful yourself, your kids will naturally feel grateful, because you are their role model, and they'll adopt your attitude.
“You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance.”
One thing you can do is to go through the practice with them every day as part of your homeschool morning routine, so they learn how to focus on all of the good in their lives because no matter how bad things can seem, there is always much to be grateful for.
I remember this time with my kids when we were driving down the road and I asked them to tell me some things they were grateful for, and do you know what? I had to stop them because we reached our destination before they had exhausted their list!
The beauty of children.
Another thing I've noticed throughout my life, and I bet you have to, is that when I am in the company of people who complain a lot, I tend to complain more. It's a reminder for us to be vigilant about the company we keep because people's states do rub off on us.
And, we naturally want to gear our kids towards keeping good company, which we can do as homeschoolers. In school, not a chance. It's the luck of the draw as to who our kids become friends with on the playground.
As an example, my childhood best friend of 8 years had a brother who was killed in the Vietnam War just as we were entering adolescence. I'm not going to go into any details, but suffice it to say that this beautiful Irish, Catholic family lost their faith.
“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all others.”
My best friend turned into bad company for me as a result of her brother's death, and she influenced me in extremely negative ways during my teenage years, because peer pressure is real.
As homeschoolers, if another child becomes a bad influence on our kids, we will catch on to it in time to do something before it's too late. We can steer our kids towards better company without them realizing what we are doing, and before you know it, the bad company is forgotten.
So, I’m sure you can agree on the importance of keeping our kids in the company of people who bring them up in life, not down.
And if we raise them with the attitude of gratitude, they will reap all of the benefits that Emmons has shared with us.
And, you can pick up a copy of his book in preparation for the New Year to get started with your gratitude practice today, Gratitude Works!: A 21-Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity.
I just ordered one myself!
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Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a homeschooling thought-leader and the founder of Smart Homeschooler.
As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, she has 23 years of experience working in education.
Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child, based on tradition and modern research, Liz devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.
Liz is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.
"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”
—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling. For a copy of The Short Angry History of Compulsory Schooling, click here.
