Do Not Teach Your Children the Correct Anatomical Names for their Private Parts
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After reading the blog post, What Has Sex Education Got to Do with It?, I received one of two responses: either people were in total agreement or agreed but had one objection.
The objection was that children needed to know the correct anatomical names for their private parts to protect them from child abuse.
That children should learn the names of their private parts, for this reason, seemed like a fair enough statement, but something didn't sit right with me.
So I started to dig around a little.
My digging confirmed that teaching children this vocabulary to protect them from sexual abuse is unsubstantiated.
It has never been researched. At least I could find no evidence for such a study, and what I did find indicated there never had been such a study. (If you know of one, please send me the link.)
If you have ever studied statistics, you know that to conduct a reliable study, you need a group of children who have been taught the Latin terms for their private parts and a group of children who have not been taught the Latin terms.
Then you need the perpetrator. You need to put children into a situation where someone approaches them sexually, and you need to record their response.
“Alfred Kinsey in the Kinsey Reports (1948 and 1953) included research on the physical sexual response of children, including pre-pubescent children (though the main focus of the reports was adults).
While there were initially concerns that some of the data in his reports could not have been obtained without observation of or participation in child sexual abuse,[2] the data was revealed much later in the 1990s to have been gathered from the diary of a single pedophile who had been molesting children since 1917.[3][4].
This effectively rendered the data-set nearly worthless, not only because it relied entirely on a single source, but the data was hearsay reported by a highly unreliable observer. In 2000, Swedish researcher Ing-Beth Larsson noted, “It is quite common for references still to cite Alfred Kinsey”, due to the scarcity of subsequent large-scale studies of child sexual behavior. ”
Can you see now why the study has never been conducted?
The claim that sex education is vital to a child's safety and that they must be taught the Latin terms for their private parts in school (or home) seems to have suddenly become popular in recent years.
Furthermore, the articles I read in favor of such an education relied on the sole expertise of a sex educator.
Which begs the question, who are these sex educators, and how do you become one? Here is an excerpt from an article I found on how to become a sex educator:
"Many Planned Parenthoods have libraries packed with great information on sexuality, trainings on sexuality-related topics, and opportunities to volunteer. For example, the Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts offers a three-day training called the Sexuality Education Cornerstone Seminar. Other agencies that might have opportunities for training and volunteering are HIV/AIDS service organizations; gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender groups; and agencies that work with youth."
If you follow the Planned Parenthood link, you will find that they affiliate their training with the endorsement of social workers, nurses, and other trained "professionals", but the actual people being trained are schoolteachers.
The schoolteacher turned sex educator has a whopping three days of total training to become a sex-education expert.
Also, note that in addition to Planned Parenthood, you can get trained from LGBTQ organizations.
These are your trustworthy resources.
I dissected a Huffington Post article's claim about the importance of teaching children the proper names of their private parts and found it contained zero scientific research. The lack of substantiated proof to this claim was a pattern I found in similar articles, too.
Here are some of the Post article's salient points with my comments to give you an idea of how misleading the article, Why You Should Teach Your Kids the Real Words for Their Private Parts, is.
My comments are in italics.
To inform these early discussions, HuffPost spoke to Carnagey [a sex educator] and sex educator Lydia M. Bowers about the best ways to explore the topic of private parts and bodily autonomy with young kids.
"Body parts are body parts are body parts," Bowers said, emphasizing that "penis," "testicles," "vulva" and "vagina" are not bad words. Parents should become comfortable using these terms or the corresponding words if they speak a language other than English at home.
In other words, if you don't speak English, don't worry about learning how to ask directions or buy food, but make sure you learn how to say "penis," "testicles," "vulva" and "vagina."
Furthermore, no one ever said they were bad words.
"Often without hesitation, caregivers will use accurate terms for body parts like elbow, knee and nose, so parts like the penis, vulva, vagina and anus should be no different," said Carnagey.
There is a huge difference! Private parts are private because it is socially unacceptable to expose them, and it used to be socially unacceptable to discuss them, especially with children.
Adults do not have conversations with one another using anatomically correct names for the private parts—unless there is a medical concern—so why are we suddenly expected to use this language with children?
"When we avoid saying words, we instill a sense of shame, of something to be avoided or hidden."
The assumption here is that shame is a bad thing. The traditional understanding of shame, which has since been perverted by modern psychology, is what we feel when our honor or self-respect is jeopardized by something we have done or something that has been done to us.
We should feel shame when matters that are inappropriate to discuss are mentioned in front of us. We should teach our children to have modesty about these matters, so they don't grow up to be people who lack shame, and consequently, lack a sense of honor and self-respect.
Experiencing shame around certain matters or behaviors is fundamental to a civilized society. Shame prevents us from behaving in morally reprehensible ways, such as having sex in public or walking down the street naked or talking about our genitalia unless it is medically warranted.
"Using accurate terms also better prepares them to talk confidently about changes they may experience to their body as they grow, especially to medical providers or in settings where they may be learning about their health," Carnagey added.
The assumption here is that children should speak to strangers. As children, we were always taught NOT to speak to strangers, but suddenly we need sex educators to teach our children to speak to strangers about their bodies with confidence?!
"If we're using cutesy names because we're embarrassed or ashamed to say the actual terms, we're perpetuating the idea that some body parts are dirty, bad or shameful."
No, we're instilling modesty and common decency in our children because it’s the right thing to do.
Psychology Today had a similar article to this, as do many websites. On Psychology Today's website, Dona Matthews, PhD. is quoted as saying:
"In the absence of statistical validation, however, there is a general consensus among clinical experts that children who know the anatomically correct names for their genitals are better able to avoid abuse, or to talk about it if it happens."
Note, in the absence of "statistical validation."
Three paragraphs earlier, in the same article, she states: "Recent research shows that knowing the correct anatomical terms enhances kids' body image, self-confidence, and openness"!
Seriously? Who believes this stuff?!
These kinds of articles are all over the internet, and they all make the same claim: teaching children the proper names of their genitalia protects them from child abuse.
It teaches them the names of their genitalia and turns teachers into sex educators who have inappropriate conversations with young children.
Imagine if you caught your neighbor’s son having such a conversation with your preschool daughter; wouldn’t your first thought be something along the lines of child abuse?
Why then is it okay for schoolteachers to have these conversations with our children?
Don’t believe such lies for a minute!
“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.”
Any competent parent knows that the more you make a big deal out of something, the more attention a child will give to it.
As I read these misleading articles, I found myself reflecting on how I handled the matter of private parts with my children.
I didn't make a big deal out of it; that's how I handled it. I simply taught them to cover their private parts— private being the key word—and that was that.
"Private" implies everything a child needs to understand while keeping their innocence and modesty intact.
And protecting a child’s innocence and sense of modesty is our responsibility.
Not the child’s!
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Elizabeth Y. Hanson is an educator, veteran homeschooler, and a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 19 years of experience working in children’s education.
Utilizing her unusual skill set, coupled with the unique mentors she was fortunate to have, Elizabeth has developed a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a child. She devotes her time to helping parents get it right.
Disclaimer: This is not a politically-correct blog.
