The Problem with Following Your Passion
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Teaching your children to follow their passion sounds promising, but when you reflect on the word passion, you realize it's a misnomer. We don’t actually want our children to follow their passions.
Read MoreRaise a Smarter Kid with This Simple Practice
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The Practice
A strong memory is the foundation of high intelligence. Having young children to memorize rhymes and poetry is an excellent way to develop their memories and their intellects.
Once they are in the formal years of instruction, you can have them memorize wise maxims and worthy passages from different books too.
Children who are raised with the habit of doing memory work will become accustomed to it, and not shy away from it when they're older. Young children particularly love to memorize anything, so this is the prime time to do memory work with them.
“Let us not then lose even the earliest period of life, and so much the less, as the elements of learning depend on the memory alone, which not only exists in children, but is at that time of life even most tenacious.”
They won't see it as a difficult task or an impossible task like children do today, but they'll tackle it with determination, and they'll succeed which will have the added effect of building their confidence.
A Declining Skill
A useful skill that memorization teaches us is the ability to focus. In an age of constant distraction, focusing on anything for more than a second is under siege.
There is no quicker way to lay waste to our memories than by distraction. If we aren't present in our actions and our thoughts, we shall fail to store them in our minds. This is true for our children too.
As mothers, we tend to set a bad example for our children on this point. It happens when we have young children demanding our attention while we're trying to focus on something else.
We get pulled into too many directions, which is why you often hear women complain of a declining memory after they have children.
(Protecting your memory is another good reason to raise your children to figure things out for themselves, and thereby reduce the number of times you're interrupted during the day.)
We want to protect our children from having weak memories by starting them with memory work even before they begin grade school. Around age four would be a good time to start.
A Happy Spirit
Keep it light and fun though–you never want to put undue pressure on a child’s budding heart.
Read rhymes over and over again, and your children will memorize them without effort. Read age-appropriate poetry to your children and have them learn short stanzas by heart.
When you go to the grocery store, introduce a memory game. Have your children memorize the shopping list. You can learn it, too, and then see who remembers most of the items on the list.
Children love this game especially since they usually win!
Learn by Heart
Memory work, or learning by heart, as it was once called, was a vital component of the Ancient Greek and Roman education. The Greeks and Romans had sophisticated memory tools to facilitate the learning by heart of epic poems.
For example, every school child in Ancient Greece would learn The Iliad and The Odyssey by heart.
When children learn things by heart, it also helps to form their characters and their world views, which is precisely why the Greeks had their children learn epic poems about their heroes by heart.
“Learning by heart’, which speaks to the soul, has been replaced by ‘rote-learning’ and ‘learning by rote’, which are disparaging and off-putting terms that have the effect of making memorizing into a matter of using the brain as a piece of machinery.”
Today, we don't have children learn anything by heart in school anymore. Not only this, but we use the term “rote” memorization and speak condescendingly of it.
Did you learn anything by heart? I never did.
The Memory Disadvantage
Yet, the memory is a crucial component of our intelligence. People who have weaker memories are at an intellectual disadvantage over those who have strong memories.
Why would we raise our children to be at a disadvantage when they're natural inclination is to develop their memories?
It's like preventing a child from learning to walk. Why would we physically handicap them? We wouldn’t, nor should we handicap them intellectually by failing to train their memories.
It's our job as parents and teachers to provide our children with memory work, yet, we overlook this vital element to education because "rote" memorizing is not an effective way to teach.
Rote memory work, as Mr. Gwynne points out, is not the proper term anyway. Learning by heart is a much more humane way to look at an easy method of training your child's mind to do great things.
In our misguided efforts to spare our children the boredom of memory work, are we not dumbing them down?
Have you got your free copy of How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader? It comes with an 80+ book list of carefully chosen books to support your child’s intellectual development.
Join Elizabeth’s signature parenting course: Raise Your Child Well to live a life he loves.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.
A Simple Home Adjustment to Nurture Lifelong Sibling Friendships
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We have happiness down to a science now: a fulfilling marriage, a tight-knit family, supportive friends, and meaningful work.
(A tall order, possibly?)
There is one element, though, that's more vital than the others; it's the element of a loving family.
You may not have the most dynamic marriage in the world, you may not have the most fulfilling work, you may not even have a lot of supportive friends, but if you've got a solid family, you have a haven of people you love and who love you and who's company brings you comfort.
“The strength of family isn’t determined by the number of members, but rather by the amount of love given and received.”
And that’s a lot.
But what makes for a loving family? Many things do but the vital component we tend to overlook fostering is closeness. The siblings in solid families tend to be close to one another.
One of the ways you can foster closeness amongst siblings is by having them share a bedroom.
When did this idea that every child needed a separate room creep into our society? We used to build smaller homes and larger yards and have more closely-knit families.
The children shared bedrooms, and they had a lot of space outside for play and exploration.
Now we build bigger homes with miniature yards, and each child is tucked away into his private bedroom.
6 Advantages to Shared Bedrooms
Sharing a bedroom with a sibling provides a child with many advantages including a closeness you won't get living down the hall from one another.
1) Sharing a bedroom teaches a child to be considerate.
Unless he wants to battle constantly with his sibling, a child quickly learns to keep his things where they belong and to respect another persons' space.
2) Sharing a bedroom fosters the habit of sharing
Children share bedrooms, so sharing is a daily event in their lives. They learn to share a small space, and they figure out how they have to behave to get along with one another in this little space.
After all, someday they will grow up and either be a co-worker, a roommate, or a spouse, all of which require learning to share close-quarters peacefully.
3) Night time chats build closeness
“We didn’t realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun. ”
Kids will stay up at night chatting after the lights are out.
After hours conversations are crucial bonding time when kids discuss things that happened during the day, or maybe they talk about things they'll do tomorrow, or they confidentially share their dreams for the future.
If you're worried that your children won't get enough sleep, and if you know they are going to chat after hours (while pretending you are unawares), you might consider putting them to bed a half an hour earlier rather than battle with them to be quiet at night.
4) Negotiating the problems
Sometimes they even fight in their bedroom, and they learn how to resolve their squabbles without parental intervention. Unsupervised disagreements teach them the art of negotiation, which is a vital skill to acquire. Life is a series of negotiations.
5) Developing independent spirits
Bedroom time is their private time away from the supervision of the adults where siblings can discuss and do anything they want, within reason. It fosters a sense of independence which is important for a life well lived.
6) The Boogey Man
Some children feel uncomfortable at night and may even wake up in the middle of the night, but having a sibling in the room quiets this discomfort and makes them feel safe.
It's a funny phenomenon that having someone else in the room makes us feel safe even if the person is too young or too old to protect us. It's not any different for a child.
A Family of Best Friends
Recently, I went to the wedding of a young woman I've known since she was a child. Each of her sisters spoke at her wedding. They each spoke about different things, but there was a common theme.
The theme was one of friendship. Each of the girls referred to her sisters as her "best" friends.
“Friends come and go, but brothers (sisters) are forever.”
They were from a low-income family who could only afford a two-bedroom apartment. One room was for the parents, and the other room was for the three girls.
The girls spoke about how they stayed up after the lights went out chatting about everything from what they would wear the next day to who they would marry when they grew up.
Would they have been as close if they'd grown up in a 4000 Sq ft house, and each girl had a separate bedroom?
I would bet my life that they would not.
With the breakdown of family bonds today, you want to do everything you can to ensure your children are close friends. Having them share a bedroom is one way to accomplish this.
People want bigger and bigger houses today, but smaller homes are where the stronger bonds are built.
Have you got your free copy of How to Raise a More Intelligent Child and an Excellent Reader? It comes with an 80+ book list of carefully chosen books to support your child’s intellectual development.
Join Elizabeth’s signature parenting course: Raise Your Child Well to live a life he loves.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.
Teach Your Children to Cook!
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In each home, around in the world, there is nothing more comforting than the smell of delightful aromas coming from the kitchen.
Yet, so many girls and boys are coming of age and do not know how to cook. What's more, young women seem to see it as a sign of their liberation.
Being dependent upon other people for food is not a sign of liberation; it's a sign that you don't know how to do something as fundamental as providing a home-cooked meal for yourself, nor for anyone else.
“If you are a chef, no matter how good a chef you are, it’s not good cooking for yourself; the joy is in cooking for others - it’s the same with music.”
The irony is that children love to cook. Why are they coming-of-age bereft of this skill? Let's not dwell on the reasons here, but let's work quickly to fix the problem.
7 Easy Steps to Teach Your Child how to Cook
Step 1) Correct the Problem
It begins with you. If you're a mother who is not providing nourishing meals for her family, you must first learn to correct this.
(The variables of family are too numerous today to keep up with, hence, we'll take the less-complicated version: mom cooks and dad brings home the bread.)
YouTube is full of chefs dying to teach you how to cook. By studying two or three of their recipes, you will completely change the environment in your home and be cooking 5-star meals before you know it.
Now that your children have a role model to emulate, you can begin to teach little John and little Mary how to cook a meal or two.
Step 2) First Teach Them Only What Their Hands Can Do
In the beginning, you'll have them do things like shell peas and tear up lettuce for the salad. Before they are old enough to be responsible with a knife, you'll have them do any task that doesn't involve sharp items.
Step 3) Peeling Progression
Around the age of six, you can show them how to peel potatoes, carrots, cucumbers, and anything else you can think of. Let the peeling of anything become their domain.
By the way, these are not chores. Helping to prepare the food should be seen as fun time in the kitchen with mom (which means that you should NEVER complain about having to make dinner).
Step 4) Salad’s On
By the age of seven or eight, if not sooner, they should be able to prepare a salad on their own. Give your children the task of making the salad once or twice a week, or more often if you prefer.
Step 5) Carbs Galore
Next come the preparation and cooking of the rice and potatoes. This next step involves the stovetop, so they have to be old enough to handle a flame. If you have a gas top, the pressing concern here is that they are responsible and focused enough to remember to turn the flame all the way off.
If not, you should supervise them until they are. In the meantime, show your children how to rinse the rice. Next, show them how to measure the water, bring the rice to a boil, cover and let simmer for 20 minutes. There are tricks to making a perfect bowl of rice, so if you know these tricks (I don't), then be sure to include them.
Next, they can learn to make mashed potatoes. They peel, wash, and boil the potatoes. Drain the potatoes (you may have to help here, because the pan may be too heavy for them), add butter and milk and mash. If you don't like mashing potatoes, the good news is that children love it. You will never have to mash potatoes again.
Step 6) The Big Fish
Next, show them how to prepare the main dish. I recommend beginning with fish, which is less complicated to prepare. Show John and Jane how to wash the fish, put it in a baking dish, make the sauce, pour it over the fish, and cook it.
Step 7) Early Graduation
Once they complete all three of these steps successfully, you are now ready to grant your children the privilege of cooking an entire meal. They should be around nine or ten by this time (could be sooner!).
You now get to sit back, enjoy a cup of tea and some conversation with your spouse, and wait for what will soon be a delicious meal.
Moving forward, let your children take over the kitchen at least one night during the week to learn how to master the art of cooking and to give yourself a break.
“A chef’s palate is born out of his childhood, and one thing all chefs have in common is a mother who can cook.”
By the time your children are 11 and 13, they should be able to handle an entire Thanksgiving dinner for ten people all by themselves.
I only know this because when my children were these ages, I was recovering from the flu and not up to cooking our annual Thanksgiving dinner.
I was lying in bed the day before Thanksgiving, and, while not contagious anymore, I was still exhausted. My intention was to call my guests that morning and let them know that I wouldn't be able to host the Thanksgiving dinner that year.
My daughter came in quietly and said in a low voice, Mom, do you think I could make the Thanksgiving dinner, so we don't have to cancel our party?"
"Do you think you can handle it?" I ask, quite frankly, incredulously.
"Yes," I'm sure I can."
"Then I think it's a fabulous idea!"
“Always remember: If you’re alone in the kitchen and you drop the lamb, you can always just pick it up. Who’s going to know?”
Truthfully, and I'm not the kind of mother who exaggerates her children's accomplishments, but it was one of the best Thanksgiving dinners ever.
The other point to mention is that, at their ages, it would never have occurred to me that they could handle a meal of this magnitude.
Homeschooled kids, I have found, are like this. Nothing is ever too big to tackle. By the time they reach the teens, if homeschooled well, they will know how to teach themselves just about anything one can learn, within reason.
One warning, though: while your children are capable of cooking a full meal long before they will be ready to move out, you don't want to give up your place in the kitchen for more than one or two nights a week.
There will never be anything as comforting as "mom" in the kitchen, whipping up a fabulous meal. No one can fill the shoes of your child's mother, ever.
They're your shoes to walk in; enjoy the journey.
Don’t miss your copy of: Top Ten YouTube Cooking Channels. With the download, you’ll also get a link to a great film about a famous chef that’s guaranteed to inspire you.
Join Elizabeth’s signature parenting course: Raise Your Child Well to live a life he loves.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.
I Want to Sing Like the Birds
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Happy New Year!
I love the New Year because it’s a time of hope and renewal. It’s also a perfect time to take stock of how we’re showing up in our families and make adjustments where necessary.
We only get one chance to build a functional family. We want to do the best job we can do, so our hard work and efforts bring us joy and satisfaction rather than hardship and disappointment.
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
Here are four aspects of building a functional family that are helpful to reflect on and see where we might need to improve a little.
Domestic Duties
Is your home chaotic? Do you waste time trying to find things that never seem to be where they belong? Are your kids waking up at odd hours and sleeping at odd hours? Do mealtimes consist of scrambling to find something to cook at the last minute?
Are your kids struggling to get your attention because you’re glued to your phone more times than not?
Parenting Duties
Do days go by when you realize you haven’t had time to stop and read to your children? Are your children demanding and bossy? Are they indoors complaining of boredom too often? Are they glued to the tube? Are you struggling to find time to take them out into nature or even to the park?
Marriage Duties
Do you sometimes feel like life revolves around your children, and there’s no time for anything else? Are you and your spouse growing more distant from one another because everything else screams so much louder for your time and attention?
Self-Care
Do you feel overwhelmed, overworked, and under-appreciated?
Does your life feel like you’re on a treadmill, and you find yourself daydreaming of escaping to some faraway place? No matter how hard you try, does it seem like you never manage to find a moment to take a quiet break?
Whether you said yes or no to any of the above, we all have plenty of room for improvement. This is a good time of the year to take stock of the past year, refocus, and put a plan in place to create more harmony in your family life for 2020.
Raising children shouldn’t exhaust you and leave you with little time for anything else. If you have children under three, maybe, but as the children get older, your workload should lighten.
You aren’t trying to have a perfect family, but you do want to have some balance in your life when you’re raising children. There is work involved, and sometimes there are struggles too, but the rewards should outweigh the difficulties.
An old friend of mine once said to me, “Life is difficult, but it should be enjoyed.”
Amidst all of the difficulties in life, all the things that don’t work out the way we thought they would, all the disappointments that come with being human; there is something sublime, something majestic, something divine about being alive that we want to help our children embrace.
“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.”
Each day brings new wonder and joy, whether we have the presence of mind to notice or not.
Today is a great day for us to make some New Year’s resolutions that will help us experience more of the beauty in life and less of the overwhelm. Rumi understood this when he said:
“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”
It’s a fact that putting New Year’s resolutions down on paper is a useful exercise to help us live lives that are in harmony with the kind of person we want to be and better reflect the kind of life we want to live.
Some people think it’s silly, but just writing your intention down makes you more likely to reach your goals and aspirations. If you have an accountability friend, that spikes your chances even higher.
The New Year’s resolution tradition now has some research to back it up and silence the naysayers amongst us, which means that, if you haven’t already, you should grab some paper and start writing.
Happy New Year!
Don’t miss our free download, Do Your Parenting Strategies Need Tweaking?
Join Elizabeth’s signature parenting course: Raise Your Child Well to live a life he loves.
Elizabeth Y. Hanson is a Love and Leadership certified parenting coach with 17 years experience working in children’s education.
